And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
