come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
