I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
either way he was missing a nipple.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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