...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
When are your genitals available?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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