she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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