Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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