I think im going to throw up on grandma
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
