Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
