Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
