thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
