no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
