Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
