Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
