Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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