i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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