I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
