I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
vagina is talking i cant
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
