is your mom at the bar?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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