tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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