Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
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You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He better not be in your backpack
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He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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