It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
