So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
