Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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