i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
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I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
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Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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