watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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