Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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