I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
