One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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