I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
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You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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