Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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