how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This is my gift to your gina
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
