Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
