gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize