My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
No subtext here. People are naked.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
