I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
