Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
