I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
