My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
