you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
