my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
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How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
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some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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