Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
