If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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