WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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