i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Randomize
