I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
