how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
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She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize