Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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