he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You were trust falling into bushes
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
