Ambien. No doubt about it.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
