Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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