Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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