hotel room ftw
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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