i permit you to call me
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
