I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
