Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
