You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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