She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
