also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
