i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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