Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
