Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
