Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
