Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
