Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
