I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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