Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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