he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
