Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
