I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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