I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
