he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
