No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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