you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
