Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
