Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
