made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
